A Never-ending Story

For the first time since my son got divorced, he got to spend Father's Day with his son.  We thought this was a good thing, and it was, except for one glitch. My plan was to take everyone out to dinner on Sunday afternoon, which would necessitate having our grandson for most of the day before bringing him home.  In order to facilitate this,  his mother agreed to switch driving duties and bring our grandson here on Friday, while we brought him home after going out to dinner on Sunday. According to our son, the only way this could happen was if we did not come anywhere near their house.  She insisted that we drop our grandson off a block away and his father had to walk him the rest of the way home. She said this was necessary because she insists that my husband assaulted her years ago and would do so again if given the chance. Why she thinks this would happen when there would be several witnesses in the car, including her son, is beyond logical. She is, of course, delusional, but my son refuses to stand up to her and tell her so. At first I told my son that this was ridiculous and unnecessary, especially since she drives right into our driveway and up to our garage door when she picks up my grandson on his weekends here, and doesn't seem to  be worried in the least about being "attacked" by my husband during those times. Anyway, when we got there, I reluctantly did as my son asked, and waited at the end of the block until my grandson was handed over to his mother, at which point I drove down the street and turned into the driveway next to theirs to turn around and pick up my son. There were several people on their front porch, and I asked my son who they were. He said they were relatives of his son's stepfather. Now it all became clear: she had an audience. My first thought was that someone was going to ask her why we dropped our grandson off so far away from the house.  That left her free to spew her poisonous delusions about my husband, which she still can't get over making up. It angers me that she can say whatever she wants, true or not, about us and she continues to get away with it. She still texts insults and criticisms about us to our son and, while he says he saves them, I frankly don't see what help this is.The saddest thing about all this is that her flawed personality simply does not allow her to be in the least self-aware.  She lies with impunity and believes whatever comes out of her mouth, so there is nothing to be gained by pointing out the lies to her. She just makes up something else. It's a never-ending story.

An Old Affection Revisited

When I was a young married twenty-something in the 1960's, I thought the sun rose and set on Barbara Bain, an actress who played Cinnamon Carter on a popular show called "Mission Impossible". In my opinion, she was both drop-dead gorgeous and a great actress besides. My admiration grew exponentially when I discovered that she was happily married to another actor in the series, Martin Landau. I honestly don't know if I was more entranced by her beauty or her marriage: I was a romantic at heart and always loved happily-ever-after stories, especially those that were real.  I was crushed when they left the show, and stopped watching it from then on, even though I also liked Leonard Nimoy, who took Martin Landau's place in the series. A few years  later the couple starred in another series, a science-fiction show called "Space 1999".  That show took advantage of their real-life relationship and made use of it on the show, which I especially loved because it felt authentic, again resurrecting my romantic nature. When that show went off the air I was sad again, but eventually my adulation receded into the past. I was crushed again when I read that the couple divorced in 1993,after 36 years of marriage, and wondered what happened to the beautiful relationship they shared with their many fans by way of their TV shows.

I haven't seen any reruns of "Mission Impossible", but recently "Space  1999" returned to TV and I was again transfixed by both Barbara Bain's beauty and her chemistry with Martin Landau. I then learned that Mr. Landau had died this past year, and I was very saddened to hear that.  I wondered what had happened to them in the intervening years, and was gratified to learn that there is a lot of information to be gotten from YouTube. I found that there are other fans who posted videos and made testimonial collages to them both, and I was able to discover much information about them both. I have decided that I love YouTube, and I again think that the sun rises and sets on Barbara Bain.  She has aged gracefully and naturally, and is still beautiful, at least as recently as 2016, which is the latest year for which there is any information on her in YouTube, and is also still active in the acting profession.  I love that neither she nor Mr. Landau ever remarried, and that they raised two daughters who are beautiful and successful adults. I am sorry that they couldn't stay married, but I am happy that they were able to remain friends.I just felt like sharing that. Rest in peace, Mr. Landau, and live well, Ms. Bain.

A Christmas Story

      I am a Eucharistic Minister for my church, which is a fancy way of saying I bring Communion to home-bound people who can't get to church. Once a week I bring Communion to a group of residents in a local nursing home. This week I got my first Christmas present. It was from one of the residents, a retired Catholic nun with nothing to her name except for the few dollars she gets from making and selling woven hot pads. Her gifts to me were a candy bar, a small bag of chips and a card with her love and kisses signature. I want to tell you, her present means more to me than I can say.  She gives what she has and shares everything with others, no matter how big or how small.  She is the true spirit of Christmas.  Thank you, God, for sharing her with us.

 

A Twisted Tale of Woe

Back in February, my son had a medical emergency and wound up in the hospital. He couldn't remember anything and assumed that he'd had a car accident. It turned out that he had actually collapsed on the sidewalk, and was not near his car. He had a similar event a few days later at a store, after which he finally was diagnosed with a serious but curable condition, was put on medication, recovered quickly and has been fine ever since. However, he made the mistake of telling his ex-wife that he'd had a car accident before he found out the truth, with the result that she went into a rage and told him he could never again be alone with their son, and made him sign a document giving up virtually all his rights as a father. Although by then he had a doctor's note saying that he was fit to return to work, to drive and to care for his son, she refused to accept it, and made him sign the document anyway before she would let their son get into our car. Since then he has been honoring her demands even though there never was any need for them, but it is getting harder and harder to find people willing  to drive all the way out to Simsbury to pick up the boy, and to have people stay in our house when we are away as she also demands.  Then a day or two ago she learned that my son's car was damaged, but instead of calling him and asking what happened, she immediately accused him of having had nine accidents in three years and will never, never, ever, be allowed to drive Connor anywhere. The truth is he hasn't had any accidents since being involved in a small fender-bender at a traffic light last winter, has had only two minor accidents in his whole driving career, and the recent damage to his car was caused not by an accident but by a deer which ran into it one night. Just to be clear, insurance companies differentiate between an accident and an animal strike and do not charge the usual deductible for the animal strike, since it is not an accident. She is completely unhinged with no evidence to support anything. We have no idea where she is getting this supposed data, since there were no car accidents at any time, but she still insists on punishing my son relentlessly in texted abusive words and actions. This situation, of course, is partly his own fault, since he refused to correct his initial statement even though I emailed her that there were no car accidents, therefore no police reports, no suspension of license, no insurance claims, no nothing, and we were not going to support this intrusion into our lives. I guess he was afraid to tell her the truth because he feared more retribution from her, but he still should have refused to sign that document, as he was advised by his attorney and by me not to sign anything. If she doesn't end this delusion on her own, I'm afraid he will have to take her back to court again to get it nullified. She reacts to everything with anger and derision.

 I learned recently that she might be aware of this blog, as she was furious over what she called slander that I am supposed to have written. I have said nothing about her in Facebook for at least two years, so it must be this blog, although I have written very little about her here either until now. In any case, I hope she reads this one.  Maybe she will learn something and try to be a more reasonable person. Miracles can happen.

Politics and Parenting

I don't know which bothers me more: watching and listening to all these Democrats acting like petulant children throwing temper tantrums over the President's opportunity to appoint another Supreme Court justice by vowing to stop it at all costs, or watching and listening to those in the media who diligently report all this as though it was serious adult behavior. They don't even want to wait until they hear the actual name of the nominee before they stamp their collective verbal feet and dig in their heels. Their predictions about criminalizing women and putting them in jail would be laughable if I didn't fear that there are those who are woefully ignorant of reality and actually believe these diatribes.  So far, the only person even approaching any semblance of rationality has been Senator Elizabeth Warren, who actually said she would have to wait to see who the nominee was before voicing her opinion. This is the first time I have applauded her stance on anything. If these other legislators and media types were my children, they would all be sent to their rooms until they could behave in a civil manner.

Reflections on Love and Respect

I have been thinking about the difference between love and respect, and I have come to the conclusion that one can love another but not respect them, while one can also respect another without loving them. Love is a feeling: an  attraction or connection to another person, on a purely emotional level. It is a reaction that we can either ignore or embrace, but other than that we don't have much, if any, control over it.  On the other hand, respect is a choice: the approval of a characteristic or set of characteristics displayed by another, and is based solely on what we hold in our own minds to be worthy of that approval. It explains why families of convicted felons can profess to love the convict while at the same time disapproving the crime they committed.  Implicit is the notion that they have no respect for the convict; or maybe it's just that they are actually respecting (or not respecting) the action and not really the person who did it: "He has my respect because he acts in a certain way." That would explain the conflicted feelings we have when we love someone but do not respect them, for whatever reason. Personally, I have decided that it is a much more rewarding feeling to have respect for someone than it is to love them.  Ideally, it would be nice to have both, but when that is not possible, I find that it is painful to have no respect for someone you love. I wish it were not so.

My Sweet Boy

I have three grown children, but the youngest one has always had the most difficult time holding on to  happiness. As I write this he is divorced, single, unemployed and living in our in-law apartment. This is the third time he has needed to live at home, the second time since his divorce, and it has been a struggle for him to resist the despondency and depression that comes with losing a job, losing a fiancee, and having to take whatever job comes along just to be able to make enough money to pay child support to an ex-wife who has nothing but contempt for him, and is relentless about making him pay, no matter what his circumstances. However, things may be starting to turn around for him. He has a son whom he adores and who absolutely adores him, in spite repeated attempts by his ex-wife to poison their son's feelings for him. It stuns me that anyone could be so cruel while insisting that she is only trying to "protect her son".  I won't go into the things she does to undermine the relationship, except to say that in spite of them, my son is starting to regain his health and emotional strength. I am cautiously optimistic for the first time in years.