Family Distances

I haven't heard from my daughter in weeks. In fact, I can't remember when the last time was that we had an actual conversation. It doesn't help that she lives in Virginia, a nine-hour trip by car from here. I miss her. It's not that we were ever close, exactly, except for the period of time when she was involved with Adam- we talked almost every day during the planning of the wedding, and before that at least twice a week- it's just that not talking at all has created a rising wall between us that will continue to grow as long as she fails to make contact. I have no idea if her divorce is final yet, or if her new boyfriend, Thomas, is living with her, or if his divorce is final yet, or if her other friends know about him yet, or if she and Adam have had any conversations or encounters since he moved out, or if she ever told Adam that the reason she wanted the divorce in the first place was because she met her soul-mate in the desert and therefore did not love Adam any more.

 I don't call her because I don't have anything to say to her, and I don't feel that I should be the one to ask for answers to these questions. She is the one who should have things to tell us, but she is apparently not of the opinion that information like this should be shared with one's family. I see her Facebook posts and have a general idea of what she thinks is important, and can infer her other choices from the things that are not mentioned in her posts, like anything about Thomas, for example, but that is no substitute for really talking things out and clearing the air.  We are the ones who have been excruciatingly hurt by her recent decisions, and yet she does not want to accept that these things need to be resolved by her, not by us. She absolves herself from accepting any responsibility for fixing the situation by believing that "Mom and Dad hate me" (she and Ryan had a conversation about that, according to him), and, I guess, is just waiting for us to get over it. Not so easy when we have no communication with her. 

I have not seen her since the trip to Spain in October; she opted not to come home for any of the Holidays, preferring to spend them with Thomas rather than us. There used to be a saying that a relationship is good if it makes you a better person. Jenny's new relationship has made her into someone I don't even know, and can't imagine even wanting to know, but I will have to get to know her anyway, if she is to remain as a welcome member of the family.  I just don't know how to do that, given the present situation. Maybe this, too, shall pass. I really hope so.