Honor thy Father and thy Mother

I've been thinking about the Fourth Commandment lately.  Of my three children, the one I am closest to is my daughter. She lives about 500 miles away, yet manages to call home at least two or three times a month. Truth be told, I wish it were more: one of my aunts had a daughter who called her every day, and another of my aunts had a son who called home every Sunday night like clockwork. My daughter and I get along very well, and have similar views on most things, including politics.  Maybe that makes a difference. At the moment I am not particularly pleased with either of my two sons, although for different reasons.  My focus right now is on my oldest son, who years ago adopted the attitude that birthdays and other holidays don't mean anything to him, and so should not mean anything to us as well. I can't remember when the last time was that he gave anyone in the family a birthday present, and cards, when he sends them, are usually late. He hardly ever calls us, and never comes down or offers to help us get projects done like other people we know. I guess he just doesn't like us. He lives about 100 miles away, and we could see him  more than we do, but he almost never invites us to his home, and always seems to be too busy to accept our invitations to visit here.  He and his wife have two delightful children, and we would love to see more of them but I feel uncomfortable asking them if we can visit them.  On those occasions when we do, we always offer to bring lunch, and they always accept our offer.  Occasionally they are late with their rent, and have had to borrow money to pay it. They don't have to be poor: they both have multiple degrees and are very intelligent, but neither of them seems to think that supporting the family should be the first priority; work should be something they love to do. Our son insists on working to create an entrepreneurial music business online, which nobody seems to want, while his wife prefers to stay at home with their kids rather than work even part-time outside the home so that they can pay their bills on time. We put them on our EZ Pass account so that they don't even have to have toll money when they visit, but they still don't come down unless it's a major holiday.  What really ticked me off recently, however, is that during Thanksgiving we celebrated the birthdays of his father, brother, and nephew, all of whom have birthdays a day apart around then, and he couldn't even give them birthday cards to mark the event.  His wife is an artist who is trying to start a business that includes designing cards, and it never occurred to him that maybe his father or his brother or his nephew might like to have a card specially made for them. Unbelievable. He is so hurtful to everyone in the family, all the more so because I doubt that he even realizes how much his lack of attention is noticed and felt. He appears to be totally self-absorbed, and oblivious to all of us.He has told me that when his sister was born, he resented mightily that we had more than one child; he coulldn't understand why he wasn't enough.  I wonder if he would have treated us with more respect if he had been the only one.  I guess we'll never know.