Love and Marriage

Up until a few years ago, it seemed that marriages mostly took place in church, but even those that didn't were still treated as covenants, or promises - vows, if you will - made by two people to love, honor, and stay with each other forever. I had a discussion recently with a young man who told me that, in his view, marriage was a  contract, or agreement, that either party could break at any time and for any reason.  I found that a rather convenient redefining of the marital state, although he hastened to add that he and his wife had already agreed that their contract would, nevertheless, be unbroken. This, however,is his second marriage: his first ended in divorce when his first wife decided that she was not happy and  did  not want to be married, at least not to him. He was devastated, of  course, but related a story to me that I found very interesting: he said that, even before his wife told him she wanted a divorce, he knew they were not happy, but he was willing and able to accept that state in an effort to preserve the marriage: in other words, he was ready to honor his vows, or his contract if  you prefer; it was his wife who  was not willing to work on the marriage.  Although he eventually met and married a wonderful woman and is a very happy husband and father, he says that his one regret is that he still doesn't know the real reason why his first wife divorced him. I have heard other young men express similar thoughts, and I have come to observe that many men do not think the same way that women do about marriage; to them, it seems, just being unhappy does not justify breaking up a marriage.  Women, on the other hand, expect to be happy, and often will not work on something  that becomes less  than perfect.  People have always gotten divorced, but the reasons used to be more grave, like one of the partners being a drug addict, or violent, or a spendthrift.  Sometimes I think that divorce has gotten too easy and too accepted.  There is something to be said for working through a problem, and no marriage is always happy, but many women simply don't understand that, "This, too, shall pass".  Because of this, they miss out on the feelings of success and strength of character that surviving or overcoming adversity brings. So sad.